Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Excerpts from The Right Wing Dictionary: Part 2 of 3

ELITE, slur. A word used to describe people who think they know better than normal Americans by people who make more money in a month than normal Americans will ever see in a lifetime.

ELITE MEDIA. All networks except Fox News.

EMPOWERMENT, euphemism. 1. Voluntary segregation. 2. Lowered expectations. As in, "We must replace affirmative action with empowerment."

EQUALITY. White supremacy.

FAMILY VALUES. Do as I say, not as I do. Clean your plate. Kiss all your relatives. Thou shalt not offend against the notions of thy neighbors.

FEMINIST, profanity. 1. Lesbian female. 2. Pussy-whipped male.

FLAG, sacred noun. The cloth equivalent of Baby Jesus.

GOD, political concept. The true author of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, who speaks to and through Republican Presidents, Republican strategists, and televangelists who have their own cable channels.

GOOD CITIZEN, euphemism. 1. Salaried employee. 2. One who rejoices when his problems are blamed on a scapegoat and his discontent is satisfied with a leisure product.

GOOD PUBLIC POLICY, euphemism. Whatever supports the values of the Republican Party. See SELF-PROMOTION.

HONEST DIALOGUE, contradiction in terms. A two-part process in which you listen and I talk, and then I get to talk while you listen.

LIBERAL, adj. Atheist. See DEMOCRAT.

LIFESTYLE, abomination. Any and all social activity or personal behavior prohibited either directly or in translation by the Bible.

MALAISE. 1. Self-doubt. 2. Impotence. The word conjures up the Dark Ages of the American civilization, when a small coterie of Allah-worshipping thugs held this country hostage, and we just sat there and let them do it. See CARTER, JIMMY.

MEDIA, archaism. See ELITE MEDIA.

MIDDLE-CLASS VALUES, agenda. Women in the kitchen, men in at least one dead-end job, girls behind the counter, and boys in the Armed Services. The use of the term implies support for a male-dominated social structure, reduced rights for women and ethnic groups, all-white cities and suburbs, blaming the Japanese for making us drop the A-Bomb, and replacing the Constitution with the Old Testament. See RELIGION, RIGHT-WING.

MONEY, verb. 1. God. 2. Power. 3. That which allows its owner to take advantage of the Bill of Rights, the justice system, tax loopholes, and single women on first dates.

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