Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Statement from Fox News

We would like to clarify a statement reported in an article about our recent refusal to air a commercial for Trojan condoms.

The articles states that “Fox said it objected to the message that condoms can prevent pregnancy.” This is not true. Fox, like the Roman Catholic Church, objects to the FACT that condoms can prevent pregnancy, for exactly the same reason.

We have also been accused of hypocrisy for rejecting this commercial, even as we air commercials for Viagra and Cialis during sex-themed reality shows. This is not hypocrisy. As a publicly-traded company, News Corporation has responsibilities to the impotent old white men who run its news division, harass its female staffers, and dye their hair an incredibly ugly shade of red. One of these responsibilities is to remind women that condoms do not prevent pregnancy—birth control pills prevent pregnancy. This is no different from our stand on gun control.

In a letter to Trojan, we explained that we also rejected the ad because contraceptive "advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy." This is because we are completely terrified of getting AIDS from the hookers that we bus in for Bill O’Reilly.

Frankly, the only way our network will run a Trojan condom ad that does not mention the threat of sexually transmitted disease is if the main actor is a Bill Clinton double hitting on a chubby brunette in a blue dress while his dyke of a wife is trying to pick up one of the waitresses in the Ladies Room.

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