Weekend Update: Birthday Edition

My moll. I think I'll keep her.


My Out Of Office e-mail. I am off celebrating my birthday by waking up late, turning around twice, watching the sun set, and saying "Where did the fracking time go?" Something that never happens when I'm stuck in the office. Matthew (young at heart) Wells

My Alcohol Total. Twelve pints of Guinness. Three shots of Jameson's. One Irish car bomb. Starting time: 5:30PM. Finish time: 3:30 AM. Woke up next morning: 8:30. Saw 11:25 showing of In The Loop.

My review. Five minutes into In The Loop, the main character reacts to a woman saying the word "purview" by asking her if she's in a fucking Jane Austen Regency fucking novel with her fucking purviews, so why doesn't she just take her fucking lacy pinafores into a fucking coach and four to Bingley Fucking Hall for fuck's sake? And that's pretty much the movie right there, folks, so if you didn't fucking laugh at that, then you're not going to laugh at the next 90 minutes of profane invective, political doubletalk, or the best-ever explanation of the horrors of war that is at one and the same time totally hilarious and totally British ("It's like France." I'm still laughing.) The plot is a clever excuse upon which to hang a ton of dirty verbal laundry; it's like a cross between Ben Jonson and Peter Barnes, where the worst of human venality, mendacity and profanity are all on display in a modern Bartholomew Fair of fucking stupidity in action. Towards the end the writers seem to be ticking off scenes they haven't done yet ("Hey--Peter Capaldi and James Gandolfini haven't cursed at each other at all yet--let's have them do it here!") but like I say, if you love insult humor, this is your movie. It is the filmic embodiment of Warren Ellis' observation in Crecy that, to the British, the C-word isn't profanity. It's punctuation.

My double-take at the New York Times.

I mean what else would they honor him as: an ABC cameraman? An NBC intern? An FBI informer? Jesus, Times -- get an editor.

My bowling score. Let's just say it was less than my age. Unlike my waist size after all those beers.

My God, what's the world coming to? Hey kids -- comics!!!!


But not just any comics. Oh no--this is a website totally devoted to comic book characters getting kicked in the crotch.

And you'd know that because . . . ?

But as Ava reminds me (and speaking of Warren Ellis): when it comes to crotch-kicks? This one takes the cock cake: