I Saw Mommy Doing Santa Con

I saw Mommy doing Santa Con
Up and down Third Avenue last night.
She flashed her Mommy boobs
Just to titillate the rubes
And sang, half bare, “Don’t Touch Me There!”
(A great song by The Tubes).

Then I saw Mommy leading Santa Con
In a conga line till dawn’s first light.
Oh how they loved to see her dance
In bra and underpants
During New York’s Santa Con last night!

I saw Mommy doing Santa Con
Underneath the Brooklyn Bridge last night.
She kissed her Romeo
Underneath the mistletoe,
Then slung his hash and stole his cash
Just like a ho-ho-ho.

Then I saw Mommy searching Santa Con
Until she found an elf who was her height.
Oh what a vision to erase
When they were both sucking face
In the bars at Santa Con last night!

 

I saw Mommy doing Santa Con

In Bushwick and in Williamsburg last night.

She tried her best to have

Every Russian, Czech and Slav—

They’d pussyfoot until she put

The bed in Bedford Ave. 

Then I saw Mommy during Santa Con

Hitting on each hipster jerk in sight.

So many drifters selling snow

And lots of flakes to blow

During Brooklyn's Santa Con last night!

 

 

I saw Mommy doing Santa Con

Wearing just a beard of snowy white.

She barely kept her feet

After shots of whiskey neat

Then drank a ton of Jameson’s
And threw up in the street. 

Then I saw Mommy spending Santa Con

In the back seat of a black-and-white.

Oh it was such a great divorce

When Mommy did half the force

During New York’s Santa Con last night!

 

 

Copyright 2014 Matthew J Wells