When Byron was working part-time as a reporter for the
Missolonghi Angelos, he would invariably report on events that occurred in
other countries by sifting through over a dozen reports from foreign news
agencies (AP, UPI, Bloomberg, Dow Jones, and others) and combining them into a
weekly column entitled News The Rest Of The World Thinks Is Important. It was a masterpiece of summation, written
with that charming air of wit and derision for which Byron was so well-renowned.
It so happened that, after appearing in the first week of
February, the column was absent from the Angelos for the next three weeks, by
the end of which time the Angelos editors were inundated by outraged
subscribers demanding to know why the column had been discontinued.
“But it has not been discontinued,” Byron confessed to
Shelley one night at the beginning of March.
“The plain truth is that I can no longer compose it. I put pen to paper and the words do not
come.”
“But how is that possible,” Shelley asked, “when you have
such a Gift for impromptu Cleverness?”
“Alas,” Byron replied, “my gift is of a conversational
nature. Put me in a room with a crowd
of strangers and I am the verbal light that shines on all of ‘em. Force me to speak one-on-one with a single
soul and my wit dries up till I am dim.”
“And what does that have to do with your Column?” Shelley
asked.
“The Angelos has been feeling the financial pinch of late,”
Byron explained, “so it has not only
cut back on its staff and production, it has additionally cancelled all but one of its
subscriptions to foreign news agencies.
Where once I had over a dozen voices to summarize, I now have only one,
originating from England of all places, and try as I might, the words will not
come when I attempt to compose an article based on its contents.”
“You mean?” Shelley asked.
Copyright 2014 Matthew J Wells
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