Friday, July 16, 2010

If the Securities and Exchange Commission Had Been Running the Nuremberg Trial

Nazi Party Statement

The Nazi Party, the ex-ruling party of Germany, has agreed to a settlement with the World Tribunal to resolve the Tribunal’s pending war crimes trial against surviving members of the Party relating to crimes against humanity.

The Nazi Party entered into the settlement without admitting or denying the World Tribunal’s allegations. As part of the settlement, however, all Nazis everywhere acknowledge “that the professed goals of the Nazi Party, as expressed in speeches given by Adolf Hitler, contained incomplete information. In particular, it was a mistake for these speeches to refer to the extermination of Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, Socialists, and other mongrel undesirables by the use of the word ‘resettlement’ and the phrase ‘Final Solution’ instead of the more accurate word ‘murder’ and the phrase ‘mass murder.’ The Nazi Party regrets that these speeches did not contain that terminology, and vows that all future reprinting and rebroadcast of such speeches will contain a footnote labeling the Fuhrer’s remarks as ‘materially adverse to Jewish survival.’”

The Nazi Party believes that this settlement is the right outcome for our party, our country, and future anti-semitic fascists everywhere.

The Party understands that the World Tribunal also has completed a review of a number of other Nazi-sponsored activities, and does not anticipate recommending any claims against Party members, past or present, with respect to those actions based on the materials it has reviewed. We recognize that, as is always the case, the Tribunal has reserved the right to reopen those matters based on new information, but we respectfully submit that, if you listen very closely, that sound you hear in the background is us laughing our Aryan asses off.

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