microsoft is everywhere/but doesn't work well in times square

This Week in Human Stupidity

Darwin publisher may be tried for attack on "sacred values" Putting the Turkey in Turkey, the publisher of Dawkins' book “The God Delusion” is in the hot seat for opening Turkish eyes to the existence of Godless British atheists. In response, Dawkins is suing Turkish publishers of the Koran for attacking “atheist values”, and Christopher Hitchens is planning to stand in the middle of Istanbul and shout “Armenia!” until someone arrests him. Which should take about ten seconds. Meanwhile, by just making a joke about the Koran? There's now a fatwa against me.

If Warren Zevon was alive, he'd be singing "Mohammed's Teddy Bear" (And there’d be a fatwa out on him, too.) Rumor has it that, in response to the possible flogging of British teacher Gillian Gibbons because her students named a teddy bear Muhammad, Fox News is advocating that everyone in the United States name their teddy bears Muhammad. In the words of Roger Ailes: “I mean they want to kill us all anyway, right? So what the hey. And if that doesn't cheese them off, guess what we're going to name our toilets?"

Lies, damned lies, statistics, and whatever Karl Rove says out loud Did you hear? Bush didn't want to go to war in 2002--CONGRESS did, and Bush gave in, so it's all their fault we're in this Middle East mess. I swear to Jebus, this is the kind of thing that makes you wish the fecking Hollywood writer's strike was over so you could see John Stewart make this egg-sucking toad look like the smug smirking liar he is with two minutes of aptly-chosen film clips.

This reminds me of a joke. And speaking of egg-sucking toads: The morning Henry Hyde died, Gloria Steinem called his home and asked, "Can I speak to Henry?" "I'm sorry," his wife Judy said, "but he died this morning." "He did?" said Gloria, and hung up. Twenty minutes later the phone rings and it's Gloria Steinem again, asking "Can I speak to Henry, please?" "Like I just told you," his wife says, "he's dead." And she hangs up on her. Ten minutes later, phone rings again, and there's Gloria Steinem asking, "Can I speak to Henry?" And his wife yells: "Will you stop calling here? What the hell do you think you're doing? You've called twice already, and I've told you both times, he's dead, all right? He's dead. Why do you keep calling back when you know he's dead?" And Gloria says: "Because I just love hearing it."

Harlan Ellison on Paying The Writer

You call him DOCTA Jones, lady!

I don't know; I think he kinda looks like Steve Martin . . .

"Do Your Early Stuff!"

I'm Not There. I've asked five other Matthews to help me review this movie. Here's what we think.

CRAZYLEGS MATT: When it's not the movie version of a tribute album, it's the film version of a bunch of Greil Marcus footnotes.

LIBRARIAN BOY: It's a movie for anybody who's ever looked at Bob Dylan's life and wondered "What if he died after that motorcycle accident?" (Cate Blanchett supplies the answer, and it ain't a pretty one, but man does she nail the Tarantula Dylan--complete with tarantulas.)

NINETEEN FOREVER: The best Beatles cameo ever. An unrecognizable Michelle Williams as Edie Sedgwick with Madonna's survival instinct. Love Julianne Moore's Baez avatar calling Christan Bale's troubadour a little toad. Adore archival footage of the Village bleeding seamlessly into recreated footage of the Village. And that's really Allen Ginsberg up there, don't let anyone tell you any different.

THE RANDOLPH KID: Will somebody tell me why you hear Kristofferson in the opening voice-over, but you don't see him playing Billy The Kid?!? How. Cool. Would THAT have been.

THE PLAYWRIGHT: The only real question is, will Cate Blanchett win for Best Actress or Best Actor?

MATTHEW: A totally refreshing antidote to every musician biopic ever made, it's a movie that does to Dylan's legend what Dylan does to a song when he's performing it live--attacks it from the side, does a riff on the melody, garbles this and growls that, and forces you to see and hear something you not only didn't expect, but couldn't expect, and can't get out of your head.

Putting the Turkey in Turkey Day

Thanks to The Gourmet Peasant and her primo connections, I spent Thanksgiving at Chez Lola in Brooklyn, where 30 non-blood family members gathered round for a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat -- and piñata bashing! The best kind of piñata bashing -- political piñata bashing!

Many were the heroes who stepped up to the plate . . .

. . . but all whiffed and swung wild . . .

. . . until the Mighty Abe let loose with a turkey-butt-smashing blow . . .


. . . that gave us all a fistful of goodies!

And in true Thanksgiving fashion, this is the piñata we spared:

Weekend update

A Gourmet Peasant Thanksgiving. Or, putting the turkey in Turkey Day:

I'm Not There. This woman is God. GOD, I tell you:

"Show me your early stuff!"

The Mist. Stephen King's famously open-ended novella gets a Twilight Zone ending, and frankly I'm caught on the horns of the prose versus film dilemma. I loved the story, and because I know the story, I can't see the film without relating it to the story. So somebody who doesn't know the story is going to have to give me a reaction, because to me? The last five minutes? No no no no NO.

the corner of walk and don't walk

Supagroup at the Mercury Lounge 11/19/07

The show was advertised for 7 PM, but it's a Lower East Side 7 PM, which means the slate in front of the Mercury says it starts at 7:30 and it doesn't really kick off till around 7:45. If you're lucky.

That's the clock time, anyway. In reality? You got an 11 PM show before the sun had barely set. But then Supagroup always puts on an 11 PM show, mixing tasty hooks and awesome guitar riffs in a balls-to-the-wall set that's half AC/DC, half Van Halen, and all energy.

Seeing these guys rock out in a venue like the Mercury is incredibly dislocating,because by rights they have a show and a sound that can and should fill the Garden. You know how a lot of concerts have the people who came for the music up front and the people who came to talk to each other in the back? When these guys play, nobody talks. When these guys play, everybody's there for the music.

Bottom line: file this group under S, not just for their name, but for Should Be Totally Famous Already.

I am such a geek

The best part of the Simpsons episode on Sunday?

The Lost Girls poster behind Alan Moore.