LEGITIMATE AMERICAN: A white man
with money.
LEGITIMATE ELECTION: Any
election in which the Democratic candidate is defeated.
LEGITIMATE WAR: Any war based on the existence
of undiscovered weapons of mass destruction.
LEGITIMATE MARRIAGE: Any heterosexual
union between one female and one male, with one mistress on the side.
LEGITIMATE INFIDELITY: Any
adulterous relationship which results in a second or third marriage.
LEGITIMATE RACISM: Anything
involving Arabs.
LEGITIMATE SCIENCE: Only those
things which can be supported by quoting the Bible.
LEGITIMATE FACTS: Whatever I’m saying now--not
what I just said--okay?
LEGITIMATE RELIGION:
Christianity.
LEGITIMATE EXCUSE: “The elite Liberal media have it in for me.”
LEGITIMATE LAWS: See LEGITIMATE SCIENCE.
LEGITIMATE MURDER: Any gun-related
homicide which causes a gun control backlash.
LEGITIMATE FEMINIST: A trophy
wife with at least two children and one nanny.
LEGITIMATE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: See
LEGITIMATE AMERICAN.
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